Stressful times

We have now been here over 100 days. In some ways it seems like we have been here forever and in other ways it seems like only yesterday we arrived. Rainy season has hit here. I have been told that the worst month is September. That just happens to be when Charlotte may join us on the outside. Yay! She seems to be doing well. My doctor here is worried that I am not gaining enough weight. I looked up a pregnancy weight gain calculator though and I think my weight is okay. I have tried to eat more frequently though and rest more like she asked.

The last month has been pretty stressful with our first car breaking down and then our debit card number being used by someone else. But in the end it has worked out… praise the Lord! My great in-laws helped us with getting a new(er – to- us) car since they are coming down to live in January. Our bank refunded the money including the bank fees. These things were still painful and we lost a lot of money on the van but we made it through to the other side anyway.

The transition time here has been difficult. Add the stress of being the only one in our family to speak Spanish (and not well) and being pregnant for the first time it sometimes seems unbearable. But really it is not. After the debit card incident I sent a couple of e-mails to some friends in the states. One had recently emailed me saying that she admired my sacrifice. I could not let her think I was actually striving in this line of work. I explained that there are days (like that day) that I just want to pack my sewing machine and go back to the U.S.  I was feeling like we had failed. I had thought before I moved here that I would do sooo well. After all, I loved to stay in Latin-American countries for at least a month every year prior. I rarely felt homesick during the month although I often missed Caleb after 2 – 2 ½ weeks. So I thought everything would be rosy according to my “experience”.  So after the stress of actually trying to figure out how to live here full time, I quickly realized that it was very difficult and super stressful. My Spanish is beyond beginner but stops well before fluent. I don’t know how to ask about full coverage car insurance, or the word for heartburn (well I do now), nor other vocabulary to have deep spiritual conversations. It is frustrating to say the least. I often cannot have my own conversations at church because people want to ask Caleb questions and he always calls for me to interpret. We have learned that there are very few people you can trust to not try and take advantage of you here because white skin= money in their minds. With strangers this is not a big deal but when it is someone you had trusted it hurts.

Until 2 weeks ago we had our teammate Lucky to help us. She was a tremendous help. The only downside was that we didn't learn Spanish when she helped us. But now she had to go back the states to reset her visa here and take care of some unfinished business there. We miss her sooooo bad. But we are learning how to survive on our own now, and although it is stressful, I think we will learn more and be stronger in the end for it. But if she wanted to return yesterday I would not be disappointed.... at all!

But for the most part our brothers and sisters here have gone above and beyond to help us. I have been focusing too much on the negatives here lately. I struggled with feeling discontent in the U.S. And now of course I am still struggling with it here. I don’t know why I had ever thought it would be different. I thought it was because we were stuck in the U.S rat-race. Turns out it is just my attitude. So I started praying about it. And looking up verses about contentment and other verses of how to live for Jesus and not self. Then I started writing them on post card notes and taping them up around the house. This helps remind me to stay in the word and not in the world. Then I found some blogs of other missionary families. After reading some of them I realized how easy I have it. Let me tell you that life here is really not that different than in the U.S. Yes the culture is different and we don’t have all the comforts we had in the states but it is not different by a ton. We are not roughing it here by any means. We live in a nice house with hot showers, a washing machine, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and a garage. It is bigger than our apartment we had before we left the states. I have finally figured out how to cook with a gas oven/stove. The grocery store gets a shipment of almond milk in once a month. Almond milk! What luxury! They also carry Nori (sushi wrap) and sushi rice. The food here is not a drastic change from what we left. We are familiar with the ingredients and choices found in the grocery store. Sure there is not a Joanns or Hobby Lobby but there is more than enough craft stuff here to be able to quilt and sew.

We have lots of support from the states. Financially, spiritually, and emotionally. Our congregation is sending a group here soon. We are excited to see them. It will be a great encouragement to us. My mom-in-law, sisters-in-law are coming after Charlotte is born. Lucky will be back by the time she comes too. So I will have plenty of support and help. The sisters here in the congregation are so wonderful to me. They visit and bring us various kinds of food. They are encouraging to have in my life here.  Our teammate Linda is about a week ahead of me in her pregnancy and she is super sweet. Our teammate Rachel has 4 kids so if I have questions about stuff I can go to her. It helps that she is fluent in English and Spanish. I look forward to having even closer relationships with my sisters here when I can communicate fluently. Our teens are a great bunch. They went with us this morning to visit some of our contacts that we made earlier with a group from Franklin TN two weeks ago.

I cannot complain really. And for a while I was ready to fly back. But really I would regret giving up when we have not really begun yet. That seems so stupid. We are growing and learning. Sometimes that is painful but in the end it is all worth it. We are not here to chase comfort and pleasure but to share the love of God. It is a different lifestyle than we had. I must admit that there are times that I think about buying some stuff and remember that we are now on a budget.

Once upon a time I lived on a budget of less than the poverty level according to the U.S before Caleb graduated and even before we were married and I was on my own. I made sure to know what I had down to the penny so that I could afford to pay for a roof over my head and eat all in the same month. But I got lazy and spoiled after Caleb graduated and I was not a good steward of money. I never spent more than I had but I didn't think too much about buying whatever I decided I wanted. I had a lot of craft supplies that I didn't have plans for and clothes from thrift shops that did not fit well or were not comfortable enough. Those small inexpensive items add up and quickly. I am trying to learn to do better about that sort of thing. I am also learning to eat out less. At least it is a little less convenient here. There are restaurants to walk to but most here are either expensive and for tourists or questionable as far as getting sick. I have discovered a few of the cheaper ones that were not worth the consequences. Ha! But I really am trying to be a better steward.  It is a learning curve.

There are many struggles here while we are getting accustomed to life as missionaries. Some days are better than others. The one good thing is that even with a lot of rain the weather here is 100% better than Alabama weather. =) But our goal in the end is to grow in our faith and glorify God in our pueblo tucked away in the mountains.